


All by myself

by QuarkieSoul



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuarkieSoul/pseuds/QuarkieSoul
Summary: She’s not as strong as Sam thinks she is and she’s not so sure she will survive.  As a child she lost her entire family and world, then was brought to earth and given a second chance.  Now her second chance is gone. Just how strong does one girl have to be and now that she is all by herself again, who will her family be now. The story of what happened in the year after Janet died and the ongoing struggle of a family in formation. This story begins immediately after Janet’s death in Heroes Part 2.This story is a prequel to The Most Dangerous Person on the Planet and may contain some spoilers to chapters already published, but can be read as stand alone. Timeline is based on series episode original air dates.(Pete is a good guy in this story…  he’s just not the right guy.)Part 1: I need a hero (Chapters 1-7)Part 2: While you were sleeping (Chapters 8-24)Part 3: Life as we know it (Chapters 25-)
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill, Samantha "Sam" Carter/Pete Shanahan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. Day 1, 02-19-04, step one

“No!” Cassie screamed and fell to the floor crying. Her world crashed down around her with flashbacks of people dying everywhere. The pleas for help dying in their eyes with their last breath. Helplessness. Left by herself. All alone. Again.

That was six years ago and each passing year made the loss of her family and planet all the more and more unreal, as she played new roles of human daughter, high school student, and friend... here on Earth. With the determination and commitment of her adopted mother, she had survived an apocalyptic plague that had taken every other person on her planet. Six years, surrounded by a warm home and a loving mother. She felt the dread of the inevitable loss of her entire adopted planet would come next and the loneliness crashed in upon her. 

But unlike that time, she was quickly enveloped by arms. She held on tight and cried safely embraced until she was drained of everything but gasps for air. When she looked up, she saw Sam’s face awash with tears and the same grief in her eyes that she felt inside. She was not only not alone, she was not alone in her grief. This world was not coming to an end. Sam was here as she had always promised. None of them expected this outcome. Janet was the safe bet. Members of SG-1 were the risk. Death was that way: unexpected, cruel, and devastating in its wake.

She opened her eyes as she lifted her arms and caught a glimpse of a reminder that she did not belong here. Until this moment, she was just a girl. Just a girl, in her senior year worried about exams, prom and college plans. Janet had convinced her that the tattoo on the inside of her arm meant nothing. Would never come of anything. Because she would always be here to fight for Cassie, to protect her. Still holding on to Sam’s arm before they separated, in the quiet space between them for fear that if spoken aloud the worst would happen… she asked the question that haunted her, “What happens next?”.

“One step at a time.” Sam forced a smile through her tears. Not understanding her meaning.

“You won’t let them take me?” Cassie dared to clarify, still in a whisper.

Sam looked down in her eyes and she saw the eyes of that trembling 12 year girl she had first encountered clawing for her soul. Cassie seemed so small at that moment. A place where courage and strength were irrelevant. Sam held her tighter, rocked her and kissed her head. “Never.”

When Cassie finally regained some strength and assurance of her safety, she pulled away from Sam, stood and looked around the house, she was quickly reminded of the world as it was the moments before Sam had walked through the door of her home. She took a deep breath and pulled at the corner of the Microbiology book on the counter. She had been doing homework. Usual routine. She had started dinner and her homework; waiting for her Mom to come home. 

That would never happen again. 

The last time that ordinary, everyday moment occurred yesterday. She had yelled at Janet. Janet had yelled back and then they laughed, so hard together tears formed in the corners of their eyes. She took a deep breath. “Dinner should be ready soon. I need to finish my homework.”

“I’m sure your teachers will understand.” Sam consoled her.

Cassie looked at the calendar Janet had filled in with countdowns to prom, graduation and her first day of college. “There are only 15 weeks until graduation. Less than six months until I start college. Janet was supposed to take me down there next month.” Her chin trembled and she closed her eyes thinking about all of the plans Janet had helped her make for her future.

Sam squeezed her shoulder and filled in the first gap in her new reality. “So, it will be you and me instead.”

“I’m 18.” She reminded Sam. “If I have to, legally, I can just stay here by myself.” Cassie looked around the room. She saw the house in a different light and didn’t think she could live here alone for six months by herself, but it was better than having to spend that time in Janet’s father’s house and try to adapt to a new school for 15 weeks. How much would that wreak havoc on her college plans. She could stay with Amy. Mrs Dixon treated her like family already everytime the SGC went into lockdown, but 15 weeks is a long time. She blew out a breath and tried not to let the other possibility take root, but Janet had never sheltered her from the truth.

“The NID?”

“Not a chance in hell!” Sam assured her.

“I can’t live with Janet’s Dad. He’s awful. Maybe the Dixon’s.” She suggested.

Sam didn’t want to commit to anything she couldn’t follow through with, but she couldn’t let Cassie down a second time. “I’m not home much.”

Cassie looked up and met Sam’s eyes hopeful. “I’m pretty self-sufficient and like I said I am an adult. I just need a legitimate roommate, right?” Cassie tried to make it easy on her to commit.

“Cassie… I can’t make promises, but if I can make it happen… I love you and you would always be more than a roommate to me. You’re my family.”

Cassie took another deep breath and made the choice to believe in Sam again. She leaned her head on Sam’s shoulder. It was a choice born of experience and knowledge, because she was no longer a child, unaware of the warring factions not just out in the universe, but here at home; the complexities of their lives, and what fear did to people. Janet had always been honest with her. Yes, there were risks in Sam’s chosen profession. Cassie knew the score; the challenges Sam would face to stand by her and protect her. But she also knew Sam did the impossible everyday.

Daniel showed up soon after, in time for dinner. His eyes bloodshot from his own grief, he forced a smile neither of them needed and they sighed in each other’s arms. They all picked at their food until the Janet stories started to fill the space and soon found themselves laughing – until it felt wrong and they were quiet again.

Sam and Daniel both stayed the night and answered each question that popped into Cassie’s head. Where will I live? Who will help me through this? What do we do with all of Janet’s stuff? What do I need to do to make arrangements? What will happen to the house, her car? To me?...


	2. Day 2, 02-20-04, no one is that strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heroes Part 2.

“Sir, heard you were up and around.” Sam is exhausted, she was up most of the night with Cassie and Daniel, she is now running on autopilot; the words come out without any thought.

“Yeah ... err.” Jack pulled his shirt down over the bandages, he can finally get out of here. “Still a little tender but they said I could go home.”

“We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. That new vest inserts work well”

“Didn't help Fraiser much.”

She took in a shaky breath, “No.”

“How's Cassie?”

There is no such thing as safe small talk here. She wants to tell him that Cassie’s world is upside down and she is gasping for breath, but she’s concerned about any security tapes that can get into the wrong hands. She’s not naive, ‘unstable aliens’ make authorities nervous. Besides he has his own battles right now. No matter what words she’s chosen, she’s certain he knows Cassie well enough to already know how she is  _ really _ doing. “She's a strong kid, she survives ... you know.” Because she did. That’s exactly what she did six years ago.

This has nothing to do with strength he thinks, because they have both lost their mothers. Both he and Sam, but he can’t imagine going through it twice. For Cassie this will be about perseverance. “You speaking at the memorial?” He asked, because he doesn’t really want to hear the reality of Cassie’s tears either. He wants to get to Cassie and wrap his arms around her and hold her and let her know he will always be here for her.

Seeing him again, takes her sleep deprived mind back to that moment and he’s falling before her eyes again. She takes another shaky breath, nodding, “Sir ... I ... I just wanted to say…. when you were lying there I ...” She struggles, but settles on the safest words her mind can produce, “I'm really glad you're okay.”

He can’t stand to see her cry. He can still hear her yell, “Sir!” in the moment his body was in a free fall collision with the ground. He was sure that was his last moment and that she was the last person he would see and hear before he passed from this world. But he’s here. Janet’s not. It makes no sense. “C'mere.”

When they finally do step apart, she immediately misses his warmth and security.

“I need to go talk to Hammond about the funeral arrangements. Janet’s Mom is on her way.” She excuses herself.

He nods, “Not her Dad?” He asks sarcastically, but they both know from the few things Janet had said over the years, why he is unlikely to make the trip.

Sam stops and shakes her head.

“They don’t think Cassie’s going home with her, do they?” It’s not really a question. 

“I don’t know. Cassie’s 18 now, she doesn’t have to go with them.”

“Well there’s a mercy.”

Sam nods in agreement. “I should go.”

“Cassie at your place or-”

“Janet’s still for now.”

“Okay if I come by?”

“She would be disappointed if you didn’t, SIr.” Sam offered him a sad smile.

He nodded.

This time Sam does make it out the door. She walks down the corridor trying to pretend nothing is wrong, but she has to fight the pull to go in the direction of the infirmary. Her heart needs her friend to comfort and her support. To help her make the right decisions for Cassie. She needs a safe place to pour out her heart and draw strength, she heads down to General Hammond’s office to plan her best friends' funeral.


	3. Day 5, 02-24-04, the funeral and sponsor status

Sam watched the airman hand over the folded flag to Janet’s Mom. The flag that had all too recently accompanied the urn with Janet’s remains. She held it close to her chest for a moment, but then handed it off to Cassie.

The ceremony was held only 5 days after Janet had been killed on P3X-666. She had already purchased a spot at a local cemetery; where her cremated ashes were to be buried. All of the arrangements and decisions had already been made by Janet; there was nothing more to decide than which dress Cassie would wear. Sam actually would not have been surprised if Janet had specified that as well. 

She was pulled from her thoughts when he was suddenly standing close by.

“What can I do?” Colonel O’Neil asked quietly, close to her ear, trying to find a way to be useful to someone. 

Sam wanted to turn into his arms and just let him hold her and let her cry. She felt as if she had been magically transported back here to her home from the funeral. Everything was ready for lunch for the 30 or 40 people milling about when they had arrived. There had already been a military service at the base for everyone there to mourn and Janet only had a small group of friends here in town. It was a few close people from the base, a few families from the school, and Janet’s Mom. It was manageable. Not that Sam had managed any of it.

“Sam, go sit down and eat. Colonel, can you take that trash out?” Jen Dixon, Col Dixon’s wife and a mother of five, nudged Sam and directed Jack toward the trash. She had coordinated everything. Jen probably should have let others help more. She was just as close to Janet, being the mother of Cassie’s best friend. Just like the Colonel, sitting still was too painful, Jen pulled out more drinks and sandwiches from the refrigerator. Sam did not know which direction to go and sit. She looked over at the Colonel who winced when he pulled the trash out of the can. 

“I’ll get that.” Sam insisted and pulled it the rest of the way, worried he might make his injury worse. “Bags are in the pantry.” She gave him something to do and took the trash outside herself.

He likely would have insisted on finishing the assigned job despite the pain, if she had given him even one more moment.

“Sorry Colonel, I forgot.” Jen acknowledged with a winced apology to Jack.

“It’s fine. I did ask.” He replaced the liner then walked to the back door and watched Sam put the bag in the receptacle, she stopped and wiped at the tears on her face. He took a step out and let the door shut behind him. She walked back toward the house, up the 3 steps to the small back porch barely large enough to hold the swinging bench her Dad installed a few years back.

She looked at Jack, grabbed his arm and then looked up to try to stem the tears. He covered her hand with his.

“I pulled out my phone to call her this morning.” She confessed.

He nodded. “When I was getting ready for the funeral, I wondered why she hadn’t checked in on me yet.”

She nodded, they gave each other a moment to collect themselves, and then they went back inside.

Jack headed toward Hammond and Teal’c, and Sam went over and sat by Janet’s Mom and took her hand.

“She was always so independent and determined. I really admired that about her. Though sometimes it was a challenge to be her mother, she was a strong-willed child. Feisty.” Her mother had been randomly sharing things about Janet with anyone nearby.

“You had a lot to be proud of. She saved a lot of lives, was a good friend and mother, and a truly good human being. One of the best.” Sam squeezed her hand.

“I can’t take Cassie.” She whispered to Sam. “I want to, but-”

Sam squeezed her hand again. Thankful there would be no disagreement on the matter, “We’ve got her.”

“Ed’s not a bad man.” She made an excuse for her husband. “He just doesn’t know how to do this. He’s a very private man. He loved Janet. This will be hard for him.”

“I know.” Sam acknowledged. Everyone experienced grief in their own way.

“Cassie will want to stay with her friends anyway, right?”

Sam nodded, “She only has a few more months of high school. I’ll make sure she finishes, has a graduation party, and I’ll help her get set up at UNLV.” Sam assured her.

“Janet was really proud of her. I’ll come back and help with the graduation.”

“Thank you. I would appreciate that.” Although, Sam knew from experience with Janet that the woman was unreliable and may or may not be back. She tilted her head to silently plead to Daniel to come and sit with Janet’s Mom. She had less patience these days.

Sam found Cassie and Amy sat together on the floor in the front room quietly talking. She was envious of their friendship. Janet was the friend who would have helped her through this. She was grateful Cassie had such a friend.

She left them alone, but then heard the door open behind her, she turned and saw two men in suits on the other side. And, then heard Cassie exclaim, “I don’t understand.”

She wasn’t sure how Jack had gotten in front of her or how Hammond had joined them so quickly, but Sam had Cassie’s hand in hers and was pulling her back inside the house within seconds. She saw Jack reach for his holstered gun at his back and the two suited visitors stepped back down the stairs.

Cassie hid her face in Sam’s embrace. “You’re okay, we’ve got this. I’ve got you.” Sam assured her watching the unreal scene play out in her front yard. As they all moved further from the door toward the street.

The men flashed their badges. NID. She could hear them clearly.

“Her revised sponsor status has not been submitted. She will need to be detained-”

“Error in protocol, boys. You should’ve hit us up at the office.” Jack irreverently worked the situation in his usual manner.

“Sir?” They asked of his unexpected response.

“Have your boss call mine.” Jack thumbed over his shoulder. “ _ Major General _ George Hammond.”

They pocketed their IDs and handed papers to Hammond.

“You should spend some time with your grandma before she goes.” Sam instructed and Cassie nodded and went deeper into the house.

Sam, Jack and Hammond stood looking over the paperwork in the small foyer, until Hammond pocketed it.

The door opened again, “I got the ice.” Colonel Dixon informed and was surprised when Jack pulled his weapon.

“Did I miss all the fun, again?” He asked casually.

While Cassie had acclimated to Earth well over the past 7 years, not everyone who had clearance to know her true origin, was thrilled about aliens living on ‘their’ planet. As more people were read in, more policies were created and instituted with little input from the SGC. “We should be prepared to jump through some hoops.” Hammond proclaimed as they all rejoined the gathering.


	4. Day 10, 02-29-04, moving through the motions

“Glad your home, SG-1.” Hammond wrapped up the post mission debrief after their trip to California to clean up the rogue NID sleeper cell. The quick trip to California ended up being a 2 and half day mission. Although Anna and the Doctor were dead by the end of the first day, there was still a lot to review in the facility. Daniel was very interested in the contents of the basement and there was a lot of paperwork for the near miss of a nuclear explosion in Southern California.

Sam had managed to stay in touch with Cassie with regularly texting. She was grateful the Colonel was still recovering and had been unable to join them so Cassie would not be alone, and she did not have to worry about Cassie’s safety or Jack’s injury. They took care of one another. “There’s one more thing, Sir.”

“Oh?”

“Barrett made a comment about Cassie still being without a sponsor.”

“Sponsor.” Hammond shook his head and spat the word with disdain. “I’ll get him in so we can finally get this taken care of.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Sam pulled the files together and caught up with Col O’Neill outside the briefing room. “Thanks for taking care of Cassie, Sir.”

“Carter, I’m only going to say this once. I’m here to ‘take care of her’ as much as you are. We’re all in this together, remember? It’s not a favor to you or her. She’s family.”

“Yes, Sir.” She responded sharply.

“I’m serious.”

She sighed, “I just worried about her. It felt too soon to leave her. How did she do while I was gone?”

“Her new car insurance card came in. So, she’s driving again. Aced the history test. She will be very grateful to have you back to help her study for that Calc 2 test. She spent the night at Amy’s last night.”

“On a school night?”

“Amy and boyfriend of the month broke up.”

“Chad is history? Dixon must be thrilled.”

He smiled, “Now that I think about it, he did arrive in a particularly chipper mood this morning. We’ll make this work, Carter.”

She nodded and smiled. “I should go, I want to be there when she gets home from school today.”

“She’ll like that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

At home, Sam looked through the mail, did the quick keep/trash sort, then pushed the answering machine button, “Hi Sam, I’ll be in Colorado Springs today, wondering if you would be available for dinner. Call me.” 

It had only been a few weeks since she had met Pete. She had not given him her cell phone number yet. She should. Maybe. He was her next message too. “I guess you’re not around today. I’ll try to call you this weekend.” She winced or maybe he would not be able to handle this next stage of her life with Cassie as the priority. Sam and Cassie needed to finish going through Janet’s house this weekend so they could get it on the market. For now, they were moving through the motions. Each item on the checklist helped them move into their new routines. She would have to see if there would be room and space for Pete in her new life.


	5. Day 14, 03-03-04, mom/dad, married/divorced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post S7E19: Resurrection

“Barrett. Long time.” Sam acknowledged sarcastically, since they had just seen each other a few days ago during the California mission. She looked to Jack and Hammond. Neither gave her the reassuring look she was hoping for.

“Have a seat Major, Agent Barrett was just explaining the situation to us.”

“Situation?” Sam asked, knowing full well why he was here.

“Cassandra Fraiser no longer has a sponsor.” Barrett repeated for her sake.

“Mother.” Jack corrected. “Janet was her  _ Mother _ .”

Barret nodded. “Designation notwithstanding, she is now without a sponsor and Article 6, Section 12 of the policy states all alien refugees must have a US citizen on record as a sponsor.”

*Designation?* Jack mouthed to Hammond.

“No, she’s not.” Sam volunteered without hesitation.

“It’s not that simple, Sam.” Hammond and Barrett both said something along the same lines.

“It is, do what you have to. Do I need to take a leave of absence? She has 13 weeks until graduation. Six months until she goes to college. And, I am committed to making this work for her. We need to find a way.”

Jack looked to Hammond and gave a barely perceptible nod.

“I have concerns, Maj. Carter. Your risky job is not ideal. You are a single, career-minded woman and dating.”

“What does dating have to do with anything?” She called him out on the jealousy he had exhibited since she had mentioned she was seeing someone on the last mission. 

She caught the Colonel’s eyes in an awkward glance.

“This is all standard procedure for alien refugee status through the Stargate program. You all have the documentation. We’ve been through this how many times?”

“Yes, it’s just... this one is more personal.” Hammond explained.

“You know we also prefer a joint non-military co-sponsor?” Barrett asked.

“Jennifer Dixon will continue in that role.” Jen Dixon’s government security clearance, for her work as an engineer with Colson before she decided to stay home with her boys, had made her the ideal candidate when the NID added that requirement to the policy and Janet sought someone she trusted.

“Okay, well if you all are certain… let’s get started then.” Barrett pulled out a thick file and lots of paperwork to get signed. “We can dispense with the background checks and training stages. You acknowledge that you are taking responsibility for her actions for the rest of her life or yours, whichever comes first or baring any deficits to prevent you from carrying out your duties.”

“She’s a citizen.” Jack said.

“Technically, she has refugee status. It does not prevent her from experiencing the freedoms most American’s enjoy, but this does help us ensure her safety.” Barrett refuted.

“Her safety?” Jack asked.

“Yes. If it was discovered-”

“Sir?” Sam looked at Jack with a warning. Pleading with him. She was afraid Barrett would change his mind and leave Cassie under someone else’s protection or worse detain her.

“Jack, this is what it is.” Hammond reminded him. “As much as I don’t like it either, you know the policies. If you don’t think you can respect them, you are welcome to not participate.” They had this discussion privately already, this was neither the time nor place to discuss policy changes with the tenuous support in Washington.

“No, I’m good.” He leaned back, softly punching the table, and pierce his lips shut as if trying to prevent further belligerence.

“As you should know, a sponsor is needed to maintain more regular contact and manage situations if something should arise such as hospitalization or arrest – that would necessitate intervention. We find family relationship status is better suited to manage the more minor situations, NID agents arriving on scene draws unwanted attention. When Cassie was a minor, that was easy, she had been adopted. As an adult, that is not exactly an option.” He took a deep breath. “Both Major Carter and Colonel O’Neill completed the request for primary sponsor-”

“You did?” Sam asked Jack for all of his complaining… he had already known full well and signed all of the paperwork.

He chewed on the inside of his lip and met her eyes.

“Would either of you like to step back with this knowledge.”

Sam looked to Jack. Jack shook his head. She really didn’t want to let Cassie down again. Not that Jack taking primary responsibility would be a disappointment to Cassie. “No.”

“Well, that provides us with extra layers to protect Cassie, but as I mentioned – family relationships are the easiest to mitigate complicated situations. If in agreement, Cassie records will now reflect that she was adopted by Samantha Carter and Jack O’Neill October 31, 1997.”

“No!” Sam argued.

“Sam?” Hammond questioned her outrage.

“Please don’t erase Janet from her life?”

“Only legally.” Barrett responded with compassion.

“Only legally?” Jack repeated sadly.

“Colonel, there are only a few ways to ensure Cassandra Fraiser’s safety and freedom. This is one of the least invasive methods. Establishing you as her parents when she was a minor, gives you a natural expectation to be involved in her life and decisions for her well-being into adulthood.”

“And, if Cassie doesn’t agree?”

“Her residency is contingent upon accepting the proper protocols. If she chooses, she may retain the Frasier name as her name of family origin.”

Both Sam and Hammond shot Jack a warning look before he opened his mouth again.

“She will receive all of Janet’s death benefits and her GI Bill, just as she would have otherwise. We will transfer everything Janet had worked for and would have expected Cassie to receive as her daughter. But-”

Jack nodded. “So, are we to be  _ married  _ then as well? That might not go over so well with Carter’s new boyfriend.” He waved his arm around flippantly. He saw her eyes go wide and he blushed as soon as the words left his mouth.

“No. This is all more hypothetical, in the event you ever needed to act within those roles. Her University will have you listed as the family contacts. We will only change your status to legal guardians with the high school. If anything happens then you will be brought in as parents and health guardians, whatever you need so the NID does not have to go in and manage the situation… unless it escalates. I could have you listed as divorced if it would make things easier. Married is generally less complicated in emergency situations. In my experience, divorce brings baggage.”

“Could we have a minute to discuss this  _ convenient, uncomplicated _ arrangement?” Jack asked for a break.

“As much time as you need. Use my office,” Hammond suggested.

They made their way into the office, neither sat nor made eye contact immediately.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this Carter? The ‘parents’ thing?” He saw her hesitate. “Permission to speak completely freely granted and required for this conversation.”

She folded her arms. She had been dating Pete for less than 6 weeks, they barely knew each other yet. It had potential, but she could not hang Cassie’s life on a man she barely knew. She nodded. “I’m ready to do what I have to for Cassie. Cross or burn that bridge as needed when the time comes. She is my number 1 priority.” She blew out of big breath. “You. Colonel Regulations… Sir?” She teased.

“Not something I think I have ever been accused of.” Except when it came to Sam. He looked thoughtful as he considered it himself. “I’m good.”

“One more thing, Sir?”

She saw his jaw clench.

“Please stop baiting Barrett. Just help me keep her safe and hopefully happy.”

He nodded apologetically, “I think I can do that. So, would you prefer the divorced or married checkbox?” He bit his lip.

“He said married was less complicated. I think I can manage that if an emergency situation arises. You?”

He nodded. “I could do worse.” He smirked.

“Yes, sir.”

They left the room, signed the papers and went and explained everything to Cassie. Cassie reluctantly agreed and they gave Barrett the final approval to submit the paperwork.


	6. Day 24, 03-10-04, dating… it’ll be a breeze

Sam reached down for the card on the bouquet of pink carnations at her front door, waiting to see a note from Pete. Instead it read, “Congratulations, Carter. It’s a girl. J” She smiled, the paperwork had arrived at the SGC today, they were the proud parents of an 18 year old girl. As she put everything down on the kitchen counter, she heard a knock on the door. She put the card in her pocket before answering.

“You look-”

“Tired?” Sam replied aloud but managed a smile.

“I am the luckiest man in the world.” Pete finished. He looked around the living area, “Is she here?”

“No.”

He put down the bag he was carrying and grabbed Sam and kissed her. 

“That was nice.” She said in his embrace.

“Nice to have you to myself.” He kissed her again and then grabbed the take out bags and went to the kitchen. “How is she settling in?” He asked as he pulled out the Italian food he had brought in for dinner.

Sam nodded. “Good. Thank you for dinner. I know I sprung the Cassie situation on you, and it’s not something you expected, but-”

“But?”

“Pete this is a lot of ask of anyone and if you want to wait until the end of Summer to see if you’re still interested or just want to bail out-”

“Bail out? Wow, wouldn’t I be an ass-”

“Seriously, Pete. My best friend is dead. Her daughter will be my biggest priority until at least this Fall, that means few dates, fewer phone calls and a lot less attention.” She had explained over the phone that she would now care for Cassie, but did not explain the NID arrangement.

He looked thoughtful. “I do like the attention, but I can handle this. If we can’t do this part, well then we definitely shouldn’t have kids.” He laughed.

She must have looked panicked.

“That is what dating is for, correct? To see if we want the same things and are okay with how each other handles new situations?

She nodded relieved and smiled. “Yes. Thank you for understanding.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this on your own anyway.”

“Oh, I’m not.”

“What?”

“Well, there are a few of us very close to Cassie. We’ll be caring for her.”

“See, it’ll be a breeze,” he determined. “Who are the flowers from?” He asked while putting food out on to the plates.

“They were for Cassie.” Sort of. Internally, she feared that was just the first lie she would tell him.


	7. Day 26 One last hurrah! (03-12-04 –Lost City Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre S07E21: Lost City Part 1

Jack picked up the crossword puzzle and headed for the door. Jackson called about something or other, but he has had other things on his mind. For Cassie and for the possibilities that lie ahead, he is retiring today. He has thought it through and it’s time for him to step down from SG-1. He knows there is a guy in Carter’s life. He will leave that up to her. Let her decide which path she wants to take and respect her decision. At the very least, he will ensure Cassie has a dedicated parent, out of harm’s way from this day forward.

…Correction, he decides during the briefing… he will turn in his resignation right after this mission Daniel is so hell bent on. One last hurrah!


	8. reset… Day 1 again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2: While you were sleeping…  
> March 19th Jack O’Neill was placed in stasis in the Antarctica Outpost to sustain his life and prevent further damage to his brain as the Ancient knowledge unspooled in his brain. Sam returned to Colorado Springs without him. Sam’s internal counter, reset… Day 1 again.  
> Day 1 (03-20-04 – day after Lost City Part 2)

Sam entered the warmth of her foyer and laid the keys on the table, the metal keys collided with the polished wood and the sound was deafening to her ears. Her nerves were raw, she was exhausted and numb. Bone-weary. What was she supposed to do now? Nothing made sense. The victory was hollow; the cost too great. How was she supposed to breathe, get up, go to work in the morning… she heard a noise deeper within the house. She closed her eyes trying to avoid the most heart-breaking question of all… how was she supposed to tell Cassie? General Hammond had instructed her not to and yet she felt she owed her God-daughter more honesty than that.

 _Effectively shut down for a 3-month review period._ Hammond’s words hit her again. Plan A: Wait for a response from the Asgard. Status: Waiting… Plan B No friggin idea yet.

Only 34 days ago, she had to tell Cassie that Janet was gone. 34 days, it’s not fair. Maybe Gen Hammond was right, there was still a chance they would find a way to save the Colonel, the Asgard had to answer eventually. Maybe it would be soon and Cassie would not have to come face to face with the loss of the man she called, ‘Dad’. Maybe it was better if Cassie did not know yet, or maybe Sam was just a coward. 

“I was starting to worry.” Cassie said simply, walking towards Sam with papers in her hand.

 _Sam vividly recalled the moment she told Cassie about Janet, “No!”_ Sam sighed and looked into Cassie’s eyes as she approached... then replied, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” As she hugged her. The fog dissipated and her path became clear: Hammond was right. Cassie wasn’t ready for this. ...Okay, she wasn’t.

“I need you to get these signed. My application was flagged, and now the Air Force needs to approve my admission to UNLV.”

Cassie had earned her way in, damn if she was going to let the Air Force and the NID ruin this for her. Sam looked them over, “Yeah, I warned you this might happen. I’ll take care of it.” She put the papers into her briefcase. They walked deeper into the house. Sam felt light and warmth in front of her but felt the cold pull of leaving him behind nipping at her heels. 

“I know, it just takes me off guard. I feel normal, until I try to do something everyone else is and there is an extra form to be signed or I bleed and worry if I am supposed to call in containment or-”

“Hey, you are perfectly normal, in an exceptional way of course.” Sam reached out and squeezed her arm.

Cassie smiled warily and plopped onto the couch. 

“Pete came into town yesterday.” Cassie informed her simply.

“Oh?’ Sam responded with as much interest and feeling as she could manage. She thought she had pulled herself together before she left the base. 

“He asked if you would call him, so he knew when you made it home safe.”

She nodded.

Cassie became hyperaware, and sensed something was wrong. She dived into a litany of questions. “What happen? Who-? What aren’t you telling me?” 

Sam felt her soul snap back together as the need to assure Cassie became the urgent priority before her. “We’re all alive.” She did not lie; they were: alive. There were some people Cassie did not know who did not make it back, but that was not what concerned the young girl.

“Good, I need Dad to take me to get new tires this weekend. Pete made me drive your car today. He was concerned about me driving to school in the rain with bald tires.”

When she had exited the base less than an hour ago, Sam saw her motorcycle and remembered arriving here at work a few days ago. She was disappointed, she wanted the warmth and privacy of her car. She had been disappointed, but now she was grateful her car was still here. “I’m glad he was here to think of your safety.” Sam moved to sit next to Cassie. Shoulders touching. Cassie rested her head on Sam’s shoulder. Sam could tell she had worried, but Cassie did not say anything more. 

They had been away longer than expected, having traveled to a nearby planet, recovered a ZPM, and returned just in time to save Earth from an attack by Anubis. Losing all semblance of Jack along the way. Then there were the decisions that needed to be made after placing Jack in stasis. 

Sam wondered if Cassie also felt the sensation when the Goa’uld ships had exploded in space and the non-native Naquadah particles filtered into Earth’s atmosphere and into the air. Teal’c had mentioned it to Sam before she realized what it was. Perhaps he was just better attuned to it than they were.

“By the way, I am sure you will get a report or something, I added an extra session with MacKenzie, yesterday.”

“Because you were worried?” Sam asked and Cassie nodded. “Good. That was a very mature way to handle what must have been difficult.”

She shrugged, “He said something like that too.”

“I’m gonna go call, Dad.” Cassie started to get up and Sam reached out and pushed down on her leg holding her to the couch.

“Wait, ummm.” Cassie’s face drained and Sam quickly corrected. “No, it’s not... He just had to stay at McMurdo. He got reassigned for a short while.”

“Reassigned? How short a while?” Cassie eyed her with suspicion.

“Undetermined, but he instructed me to spoil you rotten and assure you, he is trying to get back here as soon as possible.” He had said something along those lines before he had lost the ability to speak English days ago. Not sure what was to come. He had pulled her aside when he felt it all slipping. He said other things as well… she hoped she would never have to convey those messages. While she could tell he felt a profound loss for doing this to Cassie, his greater purpose of protecting her had been fulfilled. Sam took a deep breath.

“Before graduation?”

“I don’t know, Cass, but as soon as I do…”

“I can call him though.”

“He’s remote right now.”

“McMurdo is an Air Force Base.” She argued.

“Yes, but he is outside the base, in a new remote outpost. Scouts honor.” Sam held up her two fingers. “I’ll take you to get those tires this weekend or maybe we should sell both yours and Janet’s car and get something newer and more reliable since you are moving out of state?” But she could tell Cassie was not distracted with the idea of a new car.

She looked thoughtful, “I’m gonna call Amy, she was worried too. Colonel Dixon came home a couple of hours ago.”

Sam nodded and then realized, “Wait a minute, I thought we agreed that you would stay with Amy while we were gone? What are you doing here?”

“I was. Until 2 days ago. I’m sorry. Mrs Dixon was not happy about it either, but I pulled the adult card – that death glare she gave me almost changed my mind, but then James ran in screaming. I really needed some quiet and she knew I had the appointment with Dr McKenzie. I told him to call her and assure her I was okay.”

“You are so considerate.”

“She’s like a mom-” Cassie stopped and her chin quivered. Sam grabbed her and held her again until the wave of grief passed by. Cassie and Amy met in 7th grade and became best friends before they discovered that their parents worked on the same base. Jen Dixon had even offered to keep Cassie until the end of the school year, but Cassie could not quite handle the noise levels of Amy’s 4 younger brothers and Sam did not want her living anywhere else but here. 

Cassie pulled away.

“How about you go call Amy, I’ll call Pete, and then we’ll go somewhere with good desserts and get dinner?”

“Sam’s home cooking. Sounds awesome.” Cassie teased and ran to call Amy. 

Sam let out a breath and let the tears fall she had somehow held back.

* * *

“Hey there.” Sam sighed into the phone. She wasn’t entirely ready to make this call but wanted to get it out of the way before dinner.

“Hi stranger.” Pete replied softly.

“Sorry, if I worried you.”

“Ah, if the kid wasn’t sweating it.” He dismissed. 

She could tell he had been worried. “Thanks for watching out for Cassie. The car thing.”

“No problem. She should get those replaced before she drives it again.”

“I think we are going to trade it in for a newer model this weekend. Since she will be going out of state. I want her to have something more reliable.”

“Sounds like a good plan. You sound tired, rough assignment?”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like you need a good home cooked meal, maybe rent a movie, have your boyfriend give you a foot massage?”

“That sounds amazing.”

“So, what’s your schedule look like?”

Sam thought for a moment, trying to remember. “Well tomorrow I am… I am-” She reminded herself of her limited resources, of the current restrictions on gate travel and the lack of response from their allies. Her Dad. She wondered where he was and why he wasn’t here to save Jack. She needed to find a way-

“Sam?”

“Oh, ummm. Next 2 days, but I’m going in while Cassie is in school.”

“Of course, you are.” She could hear the smile in his voice. It was still new with them, she wondered how long until her dedication to work and Cassie would become less endearing to him. “So next week?”

“Wednesday and Thursday, I think.”

“I have Thursday off, you want to make plans?”

“Yeah, let’s plan for Thursday. I should go. I told Cassie we would get dinner.”

Sam was grateful to have something to look forward to. This week was going to be a challenge.


	9. Part 2: Day 7, leaning on and lying to Pete again... already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (03-26-04)

Sam entered her house, laid the keys on the table, removed her jacket and kicked off her shoes. Then put her computer bag in the office. Walking into the main living area, she sees Cassie tying her shoes.

“Where are you going?”

“You said Pete’s coming over, so I made plans to go hang out at the mall and see a movie. Give you two some privacy.” She teased.

“With who?”

“Amy, Evan, Rose, Kara and Andrew.”

“Andrew, huh?”

“I told you, we broke up.”

“Yeah, but he’s such a nice guy.”

“He is, which is why we are still friends. Just no chemistry.”

“Like with Dominick?”

“Yeah, together they make the perfect guy.” She laughed.

“What movie?”

Cassie winced. “Dawn of the Dead.”

Sam sighed and snorted. “Have fun. But it’s a school night, so 23:00… 11:00pm.”

“Thanks,” Cassie jumped up, grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. “By the way I can calculate military time just fine… military brat, remember.” Cassie smiled thinking about Janet for possibly the first time.

“Alright brat… 23:00.” Sam looked at the clock. She had about 30 minutes before Pete got here. She was glad, she needed time to decompress before she put on the ‘everything’s fine’ mask.

“Pete’s here!” Cassie called out, letting him in as she left.

Sam took a deep breath and went to greet him. “Hi Babe.” Pete kissed her on the cheek. “What do you want for dinner? You want me to cook or go out?”

“Well you did offer a home cooked meal, movie and if I remember correctly, a foot massage.”

Pete looked through the cabinets and refrigerator and started to pull things out, while Sam looked through the new notes Cassie had left on the various paperwork on the counter.

They were still dealing with Janet’s estate, her death benefits, determining Cassie’s finances, what was covering college, what was still needed, what needed to be passed through Barrett, how to budget and making sure they got all of the registration and housing paperwork covered with UNLV. It was a lot to keep track of; both the estate and a new college student were daunting tasks. It would be easier after the house sold.

“Can you give me a few more minutes? I need to enter some of this into the spreadsheet.”

Pete saw her engrossed in the paperwork. “Sure.” As she moved to the office, she heard him turn the tv on.

She had mostly tuned out what sounded like sports, until she heard the announcer say, “And what a blowout. Minnesota Wild devastated the Chicago Blackhawks 8-2 last night…” How many times had she heard O’Neill say something about either hockey team? Her stomach turned. She had forgotten about him again. He was down there waiting for her to save him, while life went on up here. Dinner, a movie, Cassie’s college paperwork… All like nothing had changed. Today, there were new problems to address at the SGC and she had made no effort on his behalf today. He’s been in stasis for one week and she still doesn’t have a plan. It can’t go on much longer. Tears escaped silently.

When she rejoined Pete in the kitchen, he put his arm around her, “You okay?”

“Yeah, sometimes when I go through Cassie’s paperwork, I think about how much Janet was looking forward to doing all of this with her and it breaks my heart.” She lied to him. Not entirely. It did hit her often. Every new thing was something Janet was missing, but it was also something Jack was missing. He didn’t know O’Neill was frozen and waiting for her to come up with some brilliant idea. Or that he was like a father to Cassie. So, she lied to him again.

She pressed herself closer to Pete and closed her eyes. Ignoring the other reason she was not sharing this with him, because this belonged to her. Right now, in this house, Jack’s current state and her failures were hers alone to grieve.


	10. Part 2: Day 17, a Life changed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (04-05-04)

Sam entered her house, laid the keys on the table, removed her jacket and kicked off her shoes. Then put her computer bag into the office. End of yet another long week of failure…

She had the next two days off, but Prometheus was in orbit, so tomorrow she was going down to the new Antarctic Outpost, she had pulled together recordings of several hockey games, music from his house, and Simpson’s episodes… hours of the stuff O’Neill loved on an external drive. It was something she could do. A few days ago, she panicked that Jack might be somewhat aware in stasis and she worried. What if he is completely bored in there? It made her heart race, to think that he knew they had left him there alone. She reasoned with herself that his brain had to be in stasis as well. That was the point. The deterioration of his brain as the knowledge spiraled throughout and overwrote everything that was him; still she would cover her bases; he would have some entertainment. It gave her peace.

The house was quiet and dark, there was a note on the counter. Amy’s studying, home by  10 . 22:00’

It had been the first time Sam had come home to an empty house since she left him behind. Amy or Daniel were often here with Cassie, and sometimes Pete was here.

It was cold. Not literally, just now this place felt completely foreign. Alone. In a very short time, she had become accustomed to having people here. It was warmer and more inviting with others in her life. It wasn’t just a place she slept any longer; it felt more like a home. Signs of Cassie’s new place in her life were scattered everywhere around the house, jackets, shoes, books, hair accessories, important papers and invites held by magnets on the refrigerator and piled on her desk. A room of her own down the hall; no longer just a guest room. Shared laundry in the dryer. There were also signs of a growing relationship with Pete here and there; a phone charger, toothbrush, change of clothes and a new paper he was reading on stakeout techniques. She liked the new signs of life, if not always appreciating the additional clutter.

Sam grabbed some leftovers from the meal she and Cassie made together last night and put it in the microwave. Real food. That was a new thing now too. She had to keep food in her refrigerator too.

The realization that this was still temporary erased the smile that was forming. Cassie would be leaving for UNLV in 4 short months. The microwave ding brought her back into action and she grabbed a fork and sat down and turned on the news. The human population appeared to continue on in a determined path of self-destruction. All around the world. Conflict. Pain. Struggle. Did they not realize what he had sacrificed for them? Of course, they didn’t. They didn’t know. Nothing had changed for anyone else.

Tomorrow she would go in after Cassie left for school and make her way South for a few hours to bring music, laughter, and hockey into the chair room. Then when she came back, she could manage it remotely, keep it updated. Something to make her feel she was doing something and that he was a little less lonely. A sadness crept in at the edges, she found something inane on tv to distract her. Cassie woke her when she returned, and Sam felt warmth refill their home.

“I need Dad’s signature.” Cassie handed her yet another form from UNLV. “I really need to talk to him, Sam.” She sounded more anxious.

Sam sighed. “I’m trying Cassie.”

Cassie turned and went to her room. “Try harder!” Door slammed.


	11. Part 2: Day 23, For Crying Out loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (4-11-04)

“She  _ likes  _ you.” Sam said to Daniel regarding Dr. Weir, like she’s a teacher picking favorites.

“I don’t think it is a matter of like or not like. You and she have different priorities and you have a lot of new demands.”

“Because I have a family?”

“No, because you know what the SGC is capable of accomplishing and she is tasked with making changes for the new order of things. Besides we have been a bit pushy about Jack.”

“Not pushy enough.” Sam argued. “I don’t know what to do, Daniel. I don’t have any ideas or new leads.”

“You can’t always save the day, Sam.”

“Bite your tongue, Dr. Jackson.” Sam teased him.

She pulled up in front of the house, “Cassie’s getting impatient. She’s right, what on Earth would keep the Colonel from speaking to her.”

“You could tell her he’s off world.”

“I haven’t exactly lied to her yet. I’m trying to avoid that complexity in our relationship.”

“Well, you aren’t exactly being truthful with her either.”

“Thanks. Where the hell are the Asgard?” She hit the steering wheel and looked up at the sky. “Or even my Dad.”

“I’m here and we should probably-” He pointed to the house.

“Ah, she won’t be ready.” Sam informed him. 

As they walked into the house, music was blaring from her room. Sam put her keys in her pocket… End of another long week, but tonight she was looking forward to dinner with Daniel and Cassie.

Daniel’s phone rang and he pulled it out and answered with an apologetic shrug. “It’s Weir.” He explained. “Jackson.”

Sam went to check on her. Cassie was putting her hair up and reached over to turn the music down. “Lacrosee went long, practice for the playoffs was brutal. I’ll be ready soon.” She explained in short bursts.

“No problem. I just wanted to see how much longer.”

“5 minutes?”

“Take your time. Daniel just took a work call.”

“Well Hell then, I’m gonna blow dry my hair.” She let her long hair fall back down and pulled out the hair dryer. 

At dinner, Cassie filled them both in on the Lacrosse playoff schedule and all of the upcoming graduation plans, parties, ceremonies, and banquets. All of the events filling their calendars. She and Amy were combining their graduation party, so Sam, Daniel and Jen were working out those details.

More milestones to add to the list of moments Jack missed. 

“Daniel, can’t you get a sat phone to him or something. You all are the USAF, for crying out loud.” 

Daniel pointed his thumb at her, looked at Sam and laughed, “She sounds like his kid.”

Cassie crossed her arms and gave him an impatient stare. 

“Sam?”

“Thanks, Jackson. I’ll see what we can do, Cass.”    
Tomorrow’s priority: Work harder to find the Asgard.


	12. Part 2: Day 31, stop it! You're making me nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (04-19-04)

Sam entered Jack’s house, put her keys in her pocket, and walked down the couple of steps into his living room… His quiet, empty, lifeless house.

End of another long week of her failures… She had forgotten him again. For days this time. That’s not exactly true, she gets busy at work. Cassie is relentless at home. There are so many things to take care of in his absence. Though she had returned to work at the beginning of the week determined to reach the Asgard, she had failed. She had not once found a new way to reach out to them.

Her responsibility as the interim leader of SG-1, was time consuming. When she wasn’t at work, she was at Cassie’s games, planning graduation festivities, trying to sell Janet’s house and keep both their homes from looking abandoned. Janet and Jack were becoming memories while she tried to keep everything else moving forward. She needed him in her life. To have her back. No, he had trained her to be stronger than that. What had he told her? It’s more about perseverance than strength. Still she didn’t want to persevere. She wanted him here.

She closed her eyes and heard the laughter from the day they were all last here before Hammond broke the news that he was being relieved of command. They told stories, drank beer and ate donuts and pizza. 

_ “Teal’c is so deep, say something deep Teal’c.”  _ She heard Daniel say and giggled again at his reply.

_ “My depth is immaterial.” _

_ “See.” He jumped out of his seat. _

She smiled and wiped away a tear.

That was before Jack was frozen in stasis. He had already accepted the possibility the moment he stuck his head in the machine. A memory rushed forward, when he had opened the door earlier that last day. He was tired, but invited her in. 

_ ‘I couldn’t sleep.’ _

_ ‘You should have called.’  _ I should have called. What would I have said? That was the reason she had not called. The things she was about to confess before Daniel knocked on the door.

And, then he stopped her on the ship too.  _ “I know.” _ He had responded before she could say the words. How the hell could he possibly know everything she wanted to say, she wasn’t even sure. Her mind stopped before her heart called her a liar again.

She looked at the picture of Jack, Sarah and Charlie. “Cassie’s at her senior prom right now. Can you believe it? I took pictures for you. She was beautiful. Amy has a new boy of the month, Justin I think was his name. Cassie went with Andrew. They went as friends, no, they’re not back together. They were all smiles and looked so grown up. It seems like yesterday when she came into our lives. I imagined tonight differently… me pushing you out of pictures as you struggled to hold on to the little girl you remembered. Instead...” She continued to talk to him, but changed topics...

“Cassie asked Daniel about you at dinner. I think she’s doubting the cover story. She really is too smart for that. It won’t last much longer, so I really need to find a way home for you. I can’t reach Dad, our friends are not answering. I don’t know what else to do. Dr. Weir is not General Hammond, the political landscape is shifting under my feet. It’s so much worse. And… I have no brilliant or even stupid idea to pull that knowledge from your brain and bring you home to her.”  _ To me. _

“And, you would absolutely hate it at work these days. Mostly a lot of paperwork while we wait out the evaluation of our current whatever. Dr. Weir seems nice, but she has not even begun to process what she doesn’t know yet. I worry she won’t back me up if I do find a solution to save you.”

“I’m scared.” She closed her eyes. “I’m scared, Jack. You’re the first person I’m telling. To be fair, not even person, because it’s just your stupid face, in stupid picture.” She sighed. “Still. What if I can’t save you? What if Cassie has to face losing another parent?” Tears escaped. “I can’t let that happen. I won’t give up. Whatever it takes to bring you back to her.” She wiped the tears.

He always had faith in her.

_ “Hey, how come you're not downstairs with the rest of the eggheads? Not that you're…an egghead…” Jack caught her off guard, she was at a loss. The world was about to come to an end. “Well, you are…actually…but in a good way.” _

_ “I couldn't think down there…they all kept looking at me for the answer.” _

_ “Well, you do have a penchant for pulling brilliant ideas out of your butt.” He had paused awkwardly, “Head…out of your head…when we need them.” _

She laughed out loud remembering his discomfort.

_ “Not this time.” _

_ “Well, you still got two days to work on it.” _

_ “Sir, I don't think I could solve this if I had a couple of years.” If only it had been a couple of days this time. _

_ “Carter, am I sensing fear in your voice?” _

_ “Yes, actually, a lot of fear.” _

_ “Well, stop it! You're making me nervous.” _

She smiled. “Alright, Sir. For now. For you. I’ll stop.”

She wiped her face and took care of the things she came to do. Check the house, left checks for yard maintenance and housekeeping and changed some of the lights left on and went home. Maintaining his life in stasis here, as well.


	13. Part 2: Day 38, she's lost her mind and Cassie's given up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (04-26-04)

Sam entered her house, laid the keys on the table …

38 minutes for a Stargate to remain active.

38 days for Sam to LOSE HER DAMN MIND!

She heard something on the radio today that it only takes 6 weeks before you start forming new habits. It was now almost 6 weeks since Jack was left in stasis. It seemed both like yesterday and forever ago that he was here; Janet was here. Too much time had passed now, too many details of their lives would be forgotten, never thought to be shared with him. IF she ever found a way to save him. WHEN Samantha. WHEN Samantha. WHEN.

“Homework done?” Sam asked when she peaked into Cassie’s room.

Cassie laid on her bed, staring off into the distance, twirling her hair... Her backpack unopened. “What?”

“Homework. Done?” Sam asked again.

“No more homework. AP exams start next week. Just studying now.”

“And, yet.” She pointed to the unopened backpack. 

“You sound like Jack. Stop it!”

Sam shifted uncomfortably. “I’m starting a dark load, if you have anything you want to add.”

“I’ll check.”

Sam worried. For the past week, Cassie’s motivation was spiraling down. Senioritis is a problem for any senior exhausted from years of tests, homework and studying. But Cassie was losing her energy to do anything: study, spend time with Amy, or work on any of the plans for her upcoming graduation and move to Nevada. There are legitimate reasons. Processing grief is exhausting work. But she’s worried about how much Jack’s absence is exacerbating this malaise.

Sam started the load of the laundry and checked in with her again, “So, any dark clothes?”

Cassie shrugged.

“Cass?”

“I need a mental health day.”

“Mee too.” Sam looked at Cassie’s calendar and sighed. She had not marked off the last 2 days. She had been meticulous about that. So maybe a 3 rd mental health day. “Dinner?”

“Not hungry.”

Sam got up and grabbed the dark clothes from Cassie’s hamper and then returned.

“Maybe it would be better for you to take a gap year. Just get a job and take it easy.”

Cassie sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Think about it.”

Sam left the room and called Pete. He reminded her that this was just grief and Cassie would be alright, just give her space and time to process. She knew he was right; she had those moments too. He made her smile again. It felt good to have someone who cared how she was handling all of this. Someone to share her concerns and frustrations. Still he didn’t know the whole truth. He didn’t know she was lying to Cassie. Failing Cassie and Jack with every passing day. It’s the secrets that will divide you.

She wants Cassie to get up and yell at her. Slam her door. Tell her she’s not trying hard enough. This is so much worse. She’s giving up.


	14. Part 2: Day 46, Saving the World should not get old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (05-04-04)

Sam entered her house, removed her jacket and put down her computer bag. And, just stood there transferring her keys from one hand to another. It was May now, and nothing had changed. No response from their allies, no ideas, nothing to bring them closer to bringing Jack home. “Fuck!” She screamed cathartically and threw her keys toward the kitchen with impressive force. They clamored to the floor. Then she heard footsteps and remembered, she didn’t come home to an empty house anymore. It was not the sanctuary it was months ago when the walls kept her secrets. Now there were responsibilities, expectations and ears. “Fuck.” She repeated under her breath.

“Shit! What happened?” Pete came running to the foyer. Sam was bending over her hands on her knees. “Sam, are you alright?”

She blew out a deep breath, schooled her expression and stood erect. “I’m fine. Sorry, I forgot there are people here now. Just venting frustrations.” She explained with minimal detail.

He gave her a sympathetic smile, “Want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. “Not yet.” She tried to live up to the decision she had made weeks ago. He deserved to know her feelings, even if he couldn’t know the whys. But it was too much right now.

“Ok. Well you and Cassie are going to be quite the fun duo tonight.” He shrugged trying to give her a nonchalant answer, but she saw his shoulders tense.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“What’s always wrong with her, she’s mad.”

“Anger is a stage of grief.” She reminded him, as he had reminded her often. He was here a couple of days a week now and was a part of their lives… even when he was in Denver.

“She’s not mad at her Mom. She’s mad at the jackass she calls Dad. Why didn’t you tell me he decided to take another assignment and hasn’t even called her? I could have been more help to her. At least more patient.”

“She told you?” She followed curious.

“Yeah, she’s having a really hard time with it today.”

Sam stopped following Pete, though she heard him continue to rant and made her way to Cassie’s room. She knocked lightly and opened the door. Cassie laid on the bed facing away from her with her head on folded arms. Already in her serious study sweatpants, but the backpack was still closed up to the side. Sam thought she might be asleep, but Cassie jumped up and wiped her face, as if trying to wipe the evidence away.

Sam went and sat at the top of the bed, kicked off her shoes and folded her long legs a bit awkwardly in the skirt.

“Don’t ask, and I won’t make you lie again. I can’t listen to the same excuses over and over again.” Cassie accused, crying.

Sam was quiet, she had not lied to Cassie… she just had not told her the whole truth.

“I haven’t lied to you.”

“Then that’s worse, because that means Jack doesn’t really love me.” Cassie flew into Sam’s arms and continued crying. “It’s 3 weeks until my graduation. He’s going to miss it, isn’t he?”

Sam stroked her hair. It would be Jack’s biggest regret for sticking his head in that machine. Sam was sure. Though, in the end it was a good thing he had. He had saved the world, again. He saved Cassie’s world. Made it possible for her to graduate and go on to college. Sam could not fault him for that.  _ ‘Getting old, Carter? Where’s the fanfare? Saving the World should not get old.’ _ She heard him ask her in her head and the corners of her mouth pulled into a reluctant sad smile.

“Please tell me you’re lying.” Cassie pleaded desperately with her. “Please! He’s lost, right? But you’ll find him. Or taken hostage, or in a coma. Please just don’t lie to me again, I can handle it, but I can’t handle this.”

“I have not lied to you.” Sam insisted. She had repeated in her head so many times to keep herself from blurting it out over the past weeks, that she could not even help herself. “But,”

Cassie sat up and wiped her face again, with hope shining in her eyes this time.

“Get dressed.” Sam instructed her.

“Sam?”

“Promise me you will wait to ask questions.” Sam instructed her. “Just a little longer.”

Cassie nodded, wiping the tears away and followed Sam out.

“Where’s the fire, ladies?”

“Uh, Pete?” Sam had already forgotten he was here.

“Uh, Pete?” He repeated back to her.

“We need to take care of something. It’s really important.”

“I made lasagna.” He replied, confused.

“Smells great.” Sam smiled. 

“It really does,” Cassie concurred, hopping while trying to slip on her shoes.

“Leftovers for tomorrow?” Sam asked.

“I won’t be here.”

“Sorry, Pete. Really, I am. If this could wait even an hour more we would sit down and have dinner with you, but we don’t have much time.”

What could he do? He had agreed to her terms, months ago. Until Cassie left for college, she was Sam’s number one priority, no exceptions. He had agreed that Sam was definitely worth the wait and he liked Cassie and wanted to see her happier. “Drive safe, out there. When you get back there will be lots of leftovers for you both.” He kissed Sam and squeezed Cassie’s arm. “I’ll lock up and see you both next week.”

“Thank you.”

“Thanks Pete.” Cassie repeated and ran after Sam.

Sam really smiled then and grabbed the keys he had placed on the foyer table when he picked them up off of the floor for her, she grabbed her jacket and rushed out the door with Cassie following close behind. 

“I knew there had to be another reason!” Cassie joyfully exclaimed.

* * *

“Colonel?” Dr Weir was surprised when she saw Sam step off the elevator with Cassie on level 27 at 7:30pm. Elizabeth shifted in her heels. She was finally ready to leave after another incredibly long day, but it looked like that was not going to happen quite yet. It took her a moment to recognize the girl from her picture. “Is everything alright?”

“No. Can we go to your office?”

Elizabeth sighed in frustration; tension had been building between the two of them as Elizabeth’s focus was the Antarctic base and Sam’s was very narrowly to find a way to save O’Neill.

“Cassie, wait here.” Sam instructed when they reached the conference room.

Elizabeth watched the girl walk to the large window overlooking the Stargate. Her instincts screamed that a civilian should not be in there, her knowledge of the girl reminded her that she was not a civilian, but an alien who had traversed here through that device. “So?”

“I’ll concede the roster.” Sam conceded outright with no hesitation before the door even closed.

“If?”

“For a favor.”

“A favor?’

“A really big one.”

“Are you blackmailing me, Major?”

Sam sighed. “Please Elizabeth, I thought negotiation was your strength? I’m offering them all. Everyone you asked for the Antarctic Base. No more arguments from me.”

Elizabeth put her bag down, crossed her armed and sighed; then considered what Sam had said. “Everyone?” What is this favor? I assume it has to do with why Cassandra Frasier is in the conference room?”

“It does.” She paused to choose her words carefully for the best chance of successfully negotiating this deal. “10 weeks ago, Cassie lost her mother and just over a month ago she lost the only father she’s known on this planet. The person who grounds her. I can’t tell her where he is, he can’t communicate with her and she is giving up, at a very crucial point in her education. We have an obligation to give her the best chance for a future. Her understanding of genetics is already leaps beyond any high school understanding. She plans to become an exo-geneticists and I believe she will greatly benefit this program one day, but not if she can’t finish high school because she believes her Dad chose to leave her right after her mother died.”

“You make a compelling argument, but-”

“There is no ‘but’ here Elizabeth, she can’t concentrate, and her AP exams are next week. She needs to know.”

“So, tell her.”

Sam tensed, “I want to show her.”

“Always got to exceed my expectations, don’t you Major?”

Sam smiled tightly. “I’ve been telling her partial truths for 5 weeks. She won’t believe me unless she sees him with her own eyes. Prometheus is in orbit for 4 more hours and then it will be gone for several weeks.”

“Now I understand my briefing on why you are the most dangerous person on the planet.” Elizabeth teased, but then winced after she made the comment and saw Sam’s reaction. She had also heard it was a sensitive subject. “Sorry.”

“I understand the policy, I wrote it. Albeit, not intentionally.”

Elizabeth nodded, Sam had explained that to her already. Most of the policy had been taken from her own threat assessments – mission by mission. But Sam had negotiated well. Elizabeth would get what she wanted and the SGC would eventually benefit from the young girl’s aspirations, “Alright, 1 hour, but I am going with you.”

Sam thought about it. That would do. She nodded her head and turned toward the door.

Elizabeth did not move, she pulled out the folder she needed and opened it to the correct page, “But first, you will sign off on the official roster transfer for the Atlantis Outpost.”

Sam looked at the names of the people she did not want to say goodbye to and one she did not want anywhere near a Stargate program: Rodney McKay. But she sighed and signed it. Then ran out and made arrangements, her and Cassie changed into appropriate work/weather attire.

“Where are we-?” Cassie started to ask.

“We were beamed aboard the Prometheus. A ship currently in orbit around the planet.”

“Of course.” Cassie nodded, but was excited, because she knew Sam would not have done all of this if not to give her an explanation. She really hoped to see him with her own eyes. To get a Jack O’Neill hug. To understand what was so important. She looked around the room. Suddenly very nervous, “He’s not dead?”

“He’s not dead.” Sam squeezed her hand and assured her.

“We will be transferring you in a moment, Major. Completing the scans for any molecular degradation before remolecularizing you all back down to the surface.” Sam thought about that destination more than 10,000 miles South of their homes.

“Ready?” Sam asked and smiled encouragingly at Cassie. Then they were in the cool and dark, very crude barebones of a base.

Cassie felt her heart sink. It did not look like anything was living down here.

The sign on the wall read,  _ ‘Earth Atlantis Outpost Base, Antarctica’ _ . 

“The signage was not as controversial as most of the other matters involving this international post. Though the negotiations are constantly stalling, we're making some progress.” Weir explained to Cassie as if she had some context. 

Cassie felt more nervous if it was that quick and easy to get her down here, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know what was keeping Jack from her. Sam asked Elizabeth for some privacy and she took Cassie’s hand in hers and guided her. 

“Is this when I am supposed to start asking questions?”

“Almost. Cassie, he is alive. Understand that. Okay?” Sam took a remote and turned off the Opera music Cassie’s ears finally registered, coming from the softly lit room and turned on the lights.

Cassie nodded. Sam squeezed her hand again and pulled her into the chair room, then turned her around face to face with Jack O’Neill.

“Dad?!” Cassie leapt to the stasis chamber and touched the solid barrier keeping him alive. “I’m sorry I ever believed…” Cassie wiped the tears and rested her head on the surface a moment. Relief of a sort flooded in, but a bevy of questions were ready to flow outward … she turned back to Sam. One hand still connected to the chamber. “Explain.” She demanded. 

Sam looked into Jack’s dark eyes, frozen in time. Her own hand lifting of its own volition to rest on the solid surface, to be in contact with him as well. She told Cassie how he had taken a risk to save them all once again, as he often did; and that he succeeded again, as he often did. But he had sacrificed himself in the process and how she had been working diligently to contact their allies who might be able to help, but that was going slow. She assured Cassie that she would not stop until he was back home with her.

Cassie looked up into his eyes, “Do you think he knows I’m here? That he can hear me?”

Sam looked down and said a silent prayer that he did not and could not. He would be bored beyond belief if he was aware. But it was one the reasons music and numerous Hockey games were piped into this room. Just in case. “It can’t hurt to talk to him. If he can hear you, nothing would make him happier than to hear your voice. And, if he can’t, you will feel better sharing your life with him. I’ll give you a little privacy.” Sam stepped away, but not out of view. Closer to the door where she could see if Elizabeth got antsy. 

Sam would not be surprised to find Elizabeth using the time to check the progress of the labs and elevator shaft to the surface under construction. Elizabeth had said yes a little too fast; Sam thought. She was suspicious. Sam was focused on Cassie and Jack. Cassie had not lost contact with the chamber since she had arrived. Her hands rested on the surface as she talked about her upcoming AP exams, decorating her graduation cap, her dorm and how excited she and Amy were with all of it. Sam heard her last quiet words, “But it won’t mean anything if you don’t come back to me. Please, I need you.” Cassie rested her forehead on the chamber again, as close to Jack’s face as she could get. “I love you, Dad. Please fight.”

Sam gave her a moment longer and then joined her. “He will, you just might need to be patient.” She assured Cassie.

“Would it be possible to send him messages to play here with the music, so I can keep talking to him?”

“I can make that happen. Any more questions?”

“You really don’t have any answers, do you?” Cassie asked not taking her eyes off of his.

Sam looked to the floor, “No. I’m sorry, Cassie. This technology is beyond me.”

Cassie kissed her fingers and held it up to the barrier, near his cheek. Sam reached out and touched the pod one more time, willing him to hear her silent pleas once again.

“Are you ready?” Elizabeth stepped into the room and looked up at the daunting presence of the hero Earth was unaware of frozen down here. She had read the mission reports but had few encounters with him. Still, each time he had exceeded all her expectations. If his luck held, Sam would save him again. If not, she was grateful for his sacrifice to save the planet..


	15. Part 2: Day 67, Never give up...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (05-25-04)

Pete entered the house, laid his keys on the table next to Cassie and Sam’s, he removed his jacket and kicked off his shoes. Then put his overnight bag down. He heard laughter coming from the other room, he was glad that whatever Sam had done 3 weeks ago, both of them seemed to be in a better mood these days. Cassie was done with her exams and Sam seemed a little less stressed.

“What are you two watching?”

“Galaxy Quest.”

“Again?”

“Never give up!” Cassie exclaimed.

“Never surrender!” Sam followed up.

“Oh gesh. How many times have you watched this show?”

“You know It’s the only sci-fi show Sam doesn’t dissect and RUIN. And, I wanted something fun after my Physics C AP test.”

“It’s funny, because it’s supposed to be funny, unlike others – which are unintentionally funny.” Sam explained. As if it was a perfectly valid explanation. 

He sat down on the couch on the other side of Sam. “That’s why I only rent musicals for her.” He informed Cassie.

“Whoa, is that your cap and gown?” He asked of the garment hanging by the kitchen.

“Yeah, makes it seem so real, doesn’t it. Just a few more days.”

“That’s gotta make you feel old?” He said to Sam.

“Hey!”

He laughed at her.

They watched as the movie came to an end.

“I’m gonna call Amy.”

“Shock.” Sam teased.

She smiled and left them alone.

“You did it.” He said to her.

“I did it.” Sam repeated. She did it. She got Cassie through the end of her senior year. Check that box. Next graduation.” A tear escaped. “I wish you could be there.” But part of her was glad he couldn’t. She cared about him and was glad he and Cassie got along so well, but this was their moment. And, she knew that when she squeezed Daniel’s hand as Cassie walked across the stage, he would understand all of her grief… not just the part she was allowed to share. Pete could only know what she could share. Sam had to accept that would always be her life with him. It had to be enough.


	16. Part 2: Day 71, Undomesticated equines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (05-29-04) Graduation day

“I don’t want to go!” Cassie dropped the gown on to the counter, but still slipped on her shoes. Everything had been fine until Daniel and Teal’c had arrived and she came face to face with the realization that Jack really would not be here to share this moment. Here they all stood in the living room, instead of bringing him home. Janet was not here either. Cassie plopped down on the couch next to Teal’c.

“That would be unfortunate, as I traveled a great distance to witness your ceremony.”

Cassie smiled sadly at him.

“That means a lot to me.”

Sam looked at Daniel and blew out a breath, looking for the magical words.

“It’s been 100 days since my Mom died.” She informed them all.

They all looked at each other. What unfortunate timing. 

They were all quiet until Cassie spoke again, “I am really sad that Jack and my Mom can’t be here with us, but it means a lot to me that you all are. Perseverance, right Sam.” She nodded. “Thank you for being my family.” Teal’c moved his arm to wrap around Cassie.

“Don’t say it.” Sam said pointing to Teal’c.

“Then I will. Undomesticated equines, couldn’t keep us away from being here to celebrate with you, Cassie.” Daniel teased Sam.

“Are you sure you two weren’t separated at birth?” Cassie teased them. 

Sam placed the graduation photos into the photo album she had started for Jack 10 weeks ago. There was one of Cassie and Amy and one with Cassie, Sam, Daniel and Teal’c. The album held pictures from all of the moments he was missing… the baccalaureate ceremony, her Lacrosse playoffs, the athletics and honor society banquets, the graduation BBQ at the Dixon’s. Sam put some of the pictures into frames. One for her wall. One for Jack’s wall. A picture of Cassie and Amy in a frame for their dorm room. Too many memories were passing by. 

_ Plan L: Hijack the Prometheus and go find the Asgard. _

_ Well that’s a bad plan. _

_ I know, Sir.  _

_ You’ll come up with something. _

_ Thanks, Sir. _


	17. Part 2: Day 81 High heels in the baby pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (06-08-04)

“Is that the offer?” Cassie asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee. Trying to wake up and brace herself to volunteering at the summer camp at the Zoo. 

“Yeah.”

“What do you think?”

“It’s your house.”

“I’m 18, Sam. I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you want to keep it?”

“No, as much as I love the memories. I don’t like being there.”

“So, what’s holding you back?”

Cassie shrugged. “It’s so permanent. It won’t be her house anymore.”

“Yeah.”

“Is the offer fair?”

“It’s in the range the realtor recommended. And, my financial advisor agrees.”

Sam placed it on the counter and they made breakfast. After Cassie finished getting ready, she came out, poured a cup of coffee to go, and then signed the contract. “I’ll drop it off when I’m done this afternoon.”

Sam nodded. “Janet would be really proud of you.”

“You think so?”

Sam nodded again, fearing words would betray how close she was to tears. The thought of never sitting in Janet’s living room watching a movie, drinking wine standing around the island, or cooling their feet in the baby pool in the backyard in the summer… it was all a bit much.

“Remember that baby pool?” Cassie asked her as if reading her mind.

They both laughed. “I was just thinking about it. I wonder what happened to it?”

“Mom stepped on the side of it with a high heel shoe. Ripped a big gash in it. We should get one for your backyard.”

“Yeah, we should.”

Cassie pulled her hair up and picked up the cup of coffee. “Here.” Cassie said, handing over a flash drive of an audio recording for Jack. 

“How is the camp going?”

“Fine. Except the evil twins.” 

“Not just a bad start, huh?”

“Nope, they seem to truly enjoy torturing others, we are splitting them up today. Should be better. Still it made for some funny stories for Jack’s tape today.”

Cassie grabbed her keys and ID badge off of the key rack Pete had hung up near the door last week.

“Twins.” Sam repeated and shook her head, then pocketed the drive, and grabbed her keys and coffee.

“If it’s less interesting today, I’ll have to tell Jack why Mom was wearing high heels in the baby pool.”

“Me too!” Sam insisted.


	18. Part 2: Day 89, a bunch of empty yesterdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (06-16-04)

“So, Cassie is out for the night?

“Yep, babysitting, Reynold’s kids.”

He nodded, but did not know who Reynold’s was so that did not make a difference.

“I rented a movie.”

“Oh?”

“Music Man.”

“I love Music Man?” She smiled. “I haven’t seen that in ages. Are you sure it’s okay, It’s not a cop movie.” She teased him.

“Yeah, but I thought you could use something fun. You’ve seemed really frustrated about work lately.”

“I have been. Thank you, Pete.” He squeezed her tighter and she sighed in his embrace.

“You know if you need to talk-” She gave him the look she often did when he pushed. “I meant just feelings, not details. You know, like regular work stories.”

But she did not say anything, they pulled out the Chinese Food and settled on the couch. Near the end, she felt her eyes grow heavy and was starting to fall asleep and then she heard it... the lyrics  _ Goodnight my Someone, goodnight my love. Sleep tight my someone, sleep tight my love _ played on the tv. She heard the words in his voice, Jack’s voice…  _ Goodnight my Someone, goodnight.  _ The words he spoke soon after he stuck his head in the machine.

She jumped up and ran for the bathroom. Sat on the edge of the tub, smoothing back her hair and wiping her face, trying to recompose herself.

“Hey Babe, you alright? Should I pause it?” Pete asked from outside the door.

She soon came out, grabbed her shoes, phone, keys and jacket and with all of them in her hands she ran for the door, “I got called in to work, an emergency.” I’ll call you in a little while and update you.”

She cried as she drove on, yelling about how unfair it all was and why was he not here when Cassie needed him and she needed him. The more she cried, the less sense her ranting made, and then she was crying about Janet, tears clouded her vision and she knew it was not safe to keep driving. She pulled over at a park and continued to cry until the tears ceased. She stepped out of the car and kicked at the tires.

She wondered how much longer she could do this. How much longer she could keep encouraging herself and the SG teams. How many more people she could meet with as the  _ interim  _ SG-1 team lead? How could she remain optimistic and positive about his return? How much longer could she keep walking into his empty house? How much longer could she assure Cassie? How much longer could she fight all of the factions rising for power, like the new IOA. How much longer she could keep putting pictures in that damn album not knowing when it would end? If it would end. 

‘ _ Perseverance, Carter.’ She heard him reply. _

“Fuck you and your perseverance, Sir… Jack!” She leaned onto her car looking at some swings. They were the first swings Cassie had encountered. This was where Jack had brought her first dog. Where she had accepted that Cassie would be Janet’s. Not hers. She wiped at her face. “I’m sorry, Jack.” She blew out a large breath. “I’m sorry I let you and Cassie down.”

She thought about Pete left sitting in her living room. He had been so supportive but how much longer could she keep him in the dark about what she was facing. The depth of her grief and guilt. How could they have a real relationship, if she could not let him know what was bothering her? How much longer until he gave up on waiting for her to let him in? She needed to answer an important question. Was she going to let Pete into her grief or keep him in the dark? It wasn’t fair to continue in this relationship and not let him in. She started the engine and drove home.

She opened the front gate and walked up to the path to the house. Pete was sitting on the steps out front waiting for her.

She had her shoes and jacket on now. Her face pale and swollen from crying.

“You didn’t get an emergency call for work.” He called her out on it.

“No.” She admitted.

“The song?”

She nodded.

“Janet?”

She nodded and lied to him again. There was no room for them inside the truth. Then she sat next to him on the steps.

“I wish you’d let me help you through this.”

She was quiet for a moment, trying to decide. He had helped her so much with Cassie in the past few months. He was so supportive and had asked so little of her and all she had to do was open the door a crack for him. “It’s kinda new to me too you know. The sharing thing, unfortunately not the losing people thing.”

“Yeah, me too.” He reached out and took her hand. There fingers laced together. “But I’m here when it surfaces. You don’t have to run and hide.”

She nodded again and made up her mind, “I’ll try.”

“Good enough. I don’t suppose you want to watch the end of the movie?” He scrunched up his face, not expecting she would.

“No.” She said with all certainty.

“Cassie came home. She went to bed.”

Sam nodded and leaned into him. She sighed. The tears were gone now.

“I’m tired and you’ve got to get up early for work.” He reminded her. He stood and held his hand out to her.

“Thank you for still being here, Pete.” She reached up for his hand. “I feel guilty for being here with Cassie and Janet isn’t. I miss her presence in my life. I miss laughing with her. I grieve for all the moments she’s missing,”…  _ their both missing. _

He hugged her and then they went inside together.


	19. Part 2: Day 94, pigs and chickens?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (06-21-04)

Sam rolled the dice and recorded her score.

“So, what exactly are you going to study at UNLV?” Pete asked Cassie.

“I want to be a geneticist. I am getting my Bachelors in Biology at UNLV. Amy is going for a degree in Mechanical Engineering through their ROTC program. Then I will go to Denver for my MD and Amy will go into the Air Force, but we’ll get 4 more years or so together this way.”

“So, you two really thought this through?”

“Planning since we were in 10 th grade.”

“Why geneticist?”

“I want to understand how our genes make us who we are and maybe learn how to fix some of the broken ones.”

“You just dumbed that down for me, didn’t you? Didn’t She?” Pete asked with a smile to Sam.

Cassie laughed and looked at Sam.

“Quite a bit.” Sam acknowledged, looking on proudly. Since her experience with Nirti, Cassie had been studying genetics. How her genes would have been manipulated. Though Nirti certainly had a much more advanced understanding or at least the alien devices needed to manipulate genes. Cassie already had an understanding far beyond her years. She was already planning a very specific path to become an exo-geneticist. Like Jonas, Cassie learns easily and quickly.

“But why?” Pete asked again. “There isn’t anything else you would want to do?”

“My birth father and brother died of a genetic defect. My birth mother, died from a virus.” It was not entirely true of course, her whole village had died from a genetically altered virus. She looked up at Sam at the thought of her family and felt her chest constrict like a scared little girl again for a moment. She pushed herself to reach for the dice and rolled them. “I nearly died from the same genetic heart problem as my father and brother. Janet and Sam saved me.” Cassie showed Pete the Medic Alert tattoo on her wrist. He had probably seen it before. She did not try to hide it, but he had not asked. But that was not entirely true either. That was the story. The story the public was told, in case of an emergency. The story she had told so many times over the years, even the cop did not catch the lie. “I’ve been pretty certain since I started researching the possibilities of gene therapies.”

“Wow. That’s incredible. I didn’t know. I’m sure you’ll make a great geneticist with that kind of motivation.”

“Thanks Pete.” Cassie smiled and wrote down her score and passed along the cup of dice to Pete.

“Why a tattoo?” Pete asked. He had seen many medic alert bracelets as a cop. 

“I have several serious drug allergies, as well as latex and you know eggs. Tattoos are cooler than medic alert bracelets for tweens.” She laughed it off, but it was really never her choice. It was an excuse for the government to be aware that she may be compromised as an alien. She looked down at it sadly, rubbing her fingers over it, remembering the day she got it and how Janet told her she would be cool as the only middle school kid with a tattoo.”

“I wish you would have told me about the latex. I use those gloves on the job, I’ll be careful not to let them in the house and switch to the non-latex just to be extra careful.”

Cassie smiled. “That’s really sweet of you, Pete.”

“Ahhhh.” He dismissed and changed the subject. “What about you, Sam?”

“What?”

“What did you want to be when you were growing up?”

“I wanted to be an astronaut.”

Cassie and Pete laughed.

“What?” Sam asked.

“Way to overachieve, babe.”

“What about you, Pete?” Cassie asked. “Have you always wanted to be a cop?”

“Most of my life, yes. But every so often I think of buying a farm.”

“A farm?” Sam asked, surprised.

“Yeah, raise a bunch of stinky pigs and chickens, maybe a few horses and cows, goats… “

“Goats, pigs and chickens?” Cassie asked. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Pete smiled. “Maybe, I’ll just start with a dog.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good test.”

“Yahtzee!” Sam screamed. She watched Pete and Cassie laugh and she realized maybe this was what she really wanted. A family. Sitting around the table laughing, playing, helping each other through life. Maybe this was not such a complicated choice. Maybe it was all within her reach.


	20. Part 2: Day 97, Hot Pink guilt!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (06-24-04)

“Are you texting Pete?” Cassie accused Sam.

“No, just trying to get some paperwork done.”

“You promised this was my day for dorm shopping and, if it’s work-”

“Cassie, it’s important.”

“It’s always more important.” Cassie sighed in frustration and looked at the wall of towel choices.

“It’s the form you needed signed.”

“Oh. Is there a problem?”

“Just jurisdictional bureaucracy at its finest.”

“Should I worry?”

“Hi, have we met?” Sam put out her hand to shake. “Maj Samantha Carter, PhD. I solve difficult problems in my sleep.” Sam looked up into her eyes and then they laughed. “It will all be done in time, I promise.” Even if she had to start kicking down doors.

“Blue or Hot pink?” Cassie held up the two towels she was considering.

“Hot pink is definitely more you.”

“True, she threw them in the cart.”

Sam pocketed her phone and tried to focus on the dorm shopping list. As a new international contingent was finding their place in all of this – SGC, NID and IOA were flexing their jurisdictional control over “alien refugees”. Sam was doing her best to fight to retain Cassie’s freedom and let her just be happy. Thankfully, though she finally seemed to be getting some respect and expected to soon have the go ahead for Cassie to leave Colorado Springs and go off to college.

“We should plan a mini-vacation, just you and me.”

“You have the time?” Cassie asked, surprised.

“Something short, like 2-3 days.” But by the look on Cassie’s face, Sam was reminded that her primary responsibility right now, in the girl’s opinion was still to save her Dad. Everything else was frivolous, except dorm shopping today. “Maybe another time then.” Sam suggested.

“Yeah, we have orientation coming up soon and I know you’re really busy.”

“Down time is important too. I think your Dad was the keen advocate of ‘downtime’.”

“True, the man could chill.” Cassie smiled.


	21. Part 2: Day 100, last footwear to fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (06-27-04)

“Yes, kicked your ass -- again!” She jumped up off the couch.

He sighed.

“You’re not going easy on me, are you?” Cassie accused him.

“No. Legitimate shame here.” Pete informed her, shaking his head.

“Don’t feel so bad, you actually give me a pretty good run for my money… for an old man. My Dad sucks at this game.”

“Can I ask you something?” Pete asked and Cassie nodded suspiciously. “You don’t seem angry anymore, just a stage or real acceptance?”

“My Dad?” Pete nodded and she thought for a moment. “Acceptance, I guess. I’m sad, but what can I do? What can he do? It’s not like he has a choice.”

“He doesn’t? I mean, doesn’t he? He should be here for you.”

“I’m gonna take a wild guess, you were not a military brat?”

“No.”

“Well there are things you have to accept. Deployments, transfers, assignments happen without regard for whether or not it’s convenient timing. No consideration for birthdays, holidays or graduations. They don’t like it any more than their kids do. And, I’m not giving up on him. He would never give up on me!” She got very emotional.

“Whoa, I didn’t…” Pete did not see the last part coming.

Cassie stood. “You didn’t what? What did you mean? Yes, it hurts. I’m sad, but I can’t change it and neither can he. You can’t replace him. You’re not him.”

Cassie stormed out and slammed the door.

Pete leaned back and let the game controller fall. Major fail. He and Cassie were actually on good footing until he opened his mouth. Sam had been stuck at work and he ordered pizza and he and Cassie took advantage of a chance to play video games. He and Cassie oftened killed time waiting for Sam by playing video games.

He was trying to better understand why she and Sam seemed so forgiving of that guy for missing this difficult time in Cassie’s life. He had hoped if he understood better, he could find a way to help, that definitely backfired. He still did not understand. How did that man just leave a girl who calls him Dad for an assignment right after her Mom died? 


	22. Part 2: Day 105, Dad & Brats!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (07-02-04)

“You need to understand, she can complain about him, but you can’t. That’s her Dad.”

“I’m really trying to understand here Sam. Are you defending him? He made a choice to leave her a month after her mom died.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Sam?”

“Don’t you understand, Pete. He doesn’t have a choice in his assignment.”

“I’m a cop, of course I understand assignments.”

“No, you can quit and apply to another Police Agency, we can’t. He didn’t have a choice. He would never have intentionally hurt Cassie. Cassie understands that. He has a responsibility. Her mother taught her the same thing. She can be both sad and still respect him for doing his duty.”

“So, when we have a family, duty will take precedence.”

“I told you, I haven’t made a decision about that. Kids are important to you?”

“Yes.”

She nodded.

“Where do you see yourself in 10 years, Sam? Doing the same thing.”

“If I’m lucky,” she snorted. “I should be a full bird colonel by then. Not sure if I will still be active in the field or if I will focus more on research or more leadership, but..”

“Oh.”

“I’ve put just as many years into my career as you have.”

“I know. But I’m sure you could easily get a job in the private sector, if you wanted to keep working.”

She just looked at him for a moment. “Pete, you know enough of what I do to understand there are no private sector jobs for me. I love my work, and I am damn good at it. I can’t go backwards ever. Any move outside of the Air Force would be a step back for me.”

“Here?”

“Here.” She didn’t tell him that Nellis was also an option, because he still had limited knowledge of the program and all of her reasons. “It doesn’t mean I can’t have a life outside of work too. Just give me some time to adjust to the new possibilities. I haven’t thought about a life outside of the Air Force for decades. This is new to me.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“You know Cassie’s is my priority right now. I need to focus on her. I can’t talk about anything else right now. I told you months ago.” There was so much she did not have the bandwidth to deal with right now and so much he could not know. He could not even know that she needed to protect Cassie; and that meant staying right where she was. Cassie needed her in the program. She can do that much for her.

Her phone vibrated, she looked at the screen and picked it up, “Hi Jen.”

Pete walked away.

Sam went into her home office and stared at the screen with emails she should answer. Pete had not come out of the bedroom since she had taken the call in the middle of their conversation or argument. So, she sat here and cried quietly. Not for Pete, but for all Cassie was going through. Sam was building a life. A family here, while Jack was frozen in time. Unable to participate in the end of Cassie’s childhood. Unable to help her through this difficult time of grieving the loss of her mother. Cassie continued to try and process that loss, but not with her. Cassie needed Jack. Sam knew she would never be enough.

The tears stopped. Sam considered what she was able to have and not have in this world. The world could be safe, if she continued to take the risk and sacrifice, but could she do that when she was content at home? Could she take the big chances to save the world, if she was anchored at home? If she had to consider her own husband and childrens’ needs. Pete wanted a family, he deserved that. She just wasn’t sure she could let go of her responsibility to do what only she could do. Had she been limiting her scope of solutions for the choice of safety?

“I’m sorry.” Pete said quietly leaning against the door frame. “I just want everything with you.”

Sam nodded. “It just might be more than I can ever give you.”

“We don’t have to make those decisions right now. I shouldn’t have pushed. I know you need to focus on Cassie. That was the deal. It was unfair of me to push. If it’s alright with you, can we table this whole discussion until after she’s settled at school?”

“Thank you.”

He smiled.

“Just understand, it may not change anything. It’s on my mind now, to think about what I really want, but I can’t make you any promises.”

“I understand. A guy can still hope.”


	23. Part 2: Day 110, it’s not a problem

110 days since they put Jack in stasis. 110 days of failing to bring him back. He only had to wait 100 days for her to change the laws of physics and rescue him from Edora.  _ He shouldn’t have to wait.  _ She heard her words to Janet and Janet’s response echo back from all of those years ago.  _ Is this a problem? No. It’s not a problem.  _ She did commit to making this work for all of them. It’s not a problem, but there is a solution. It’s just not an easy one. Sam traced the pattern on her kitchen counter tile with her finger. Making the calculations again. It’s solid. She has done the math. Probability is high that she can get them there. Risk is incredibly high. Statistically: questionable.

One of the scientists at the Antarctic base suggested that Jack’s mind may be deteriorating still, just at a slower pace. So, in the end, it may just prolong the inevitable. Not prevent it. She has never been fond of inevitable, fate or letting people down. Or more to the unspoken point… never letting him down.

Cassie needs him, she is fighting to hold on to her hope. She is no longer angry. Sam is grateful for that. Cassie takes peace in knowing he is alive waiting for Sam to save him. But still Sam has not succeeded for 110 days. And, Cassie is very aware that Sam has not solved the problem yet.

She sighs and takes another drink. She knows her presence here is just the constant reminder of all of the ways she has failed/is failing Cassie. There is nothing anyone else can do anymore. If there was, she would have already figured it out. She has known what she should do for weeks now, but it is a big risk, and she still may not convince the powers that be. There is a policy named after her for a reason. If she is that dangerous, but they keep her around and are determined to protect her as an asset, then she has value. A value that can be bartered. And, what if it doesn’t even work? Maybe they won’t even make it. They could die in the middle of nowhere. He will do it, she knows he is just waiting for her to come up with a viable plan. The lack of a solution is driving Teal’c just as crazy. Daniel will not like it though. She needs him to be here if she fails, he will be all Cassie has left. 

Cassie is leaving in just over a month. Her childhood is ticking away louder and louder with each passing day. The days Jack will never get back. Every day is another lost chance for them. For the child without a father and the father without a child. They need one another. She is the only one who can make that happen.

What about Pete? He could handle it. He understands sometimes you have to take a risk, but if she does come back, he may discover she risked everything for Jack and there are some things that can eat away at a man. If she doesn’t come back, he will find someone else and she will eventually just be a memory. It’s better if he doesn’t know, she decides.

She has changed her will. Made the necessary arrangements to transfer everything to Daniel to care for Cassie.

There is no other plan. This is the final option to save his life.

“Looks serious.”

“What?” Sam broke from her thoughts.

Pete pointed at the drink in front of her. “How bad?”

“Sometimes the only choice left is not an easy one.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“I’m running out of patience.”

“Your job, I hope?”

She nodded. “And, my own limitations.”

“You have limitations?”

She smiled sadly, “Yeah. Time is a bigger factor than I thought. I really thought I would have a working solution by now, but I don’t have anything else.”

“You’re used to delivering solutions.”

“I am.”

“What can I do?”

“Pour me another drink.” She pushed the glass over and he poured the whiskey. 

“Straight?”

She nodded and gave one last plea. “And, you can trust me.”

“I do trust you, Sam.”

She looked down at the drink and then knocked it back.

Pete’s eyes went wide. She took his hand and led him to the bedroom.


	24. Part 2: 116, How patient do you expect me to be?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (end of s8e1 New Order 07-16-04 )

It was a beautiful Summer day. Cassie woke up and opened all of the windows before she started cleaning. She worried about how much longer Sam would be gone, but Sam told her to be patient. She believes it has to do with a solution for Jack. Daniel keeps checking in on her. She hopes Sam is successful. Patience. Perseveres.

Cassie grabbed a soda from the frig when she heard the grumble of a diesel truck outside, she paused – as she did every time the sound caught her attention. At the very least, it kept him fresh in her mind. She took a drink. Diesel trucks, dogs, and cake. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the disappointment. The vehicle would continue on and she would hear it drive out of ear shot. But this time, the engine cut off. Her heart raced, she ran for the front door, swung it open wide and stopped in her tracks. He stopped on the sidewalk leading up to the house when she saw him come up the path. Her face beamed with joy, and she ran down and into his arms. 

Jack pulled her in tight, lifting her off the ground, despite his waning strength. Jack rocked back but couldn’t let go. Sam reached them and put her hand on his lower back, bracing him. Keeping them upright. He had not gained his full strength back yet from 111 days in stasis. Thor’s drug cocktail only gave him strength for a short while and it had worn off before they had made it home from Orilla; after saving the galaxy once again.

“I knew you’d come back to me.” She held on tight.

“Always.” He lowered Cassie to the ground but did not let go. He felt her struggle with her breath and knew she was crying. He gave her a moment longer. “Hey, hey, hey.” He finally pulled back and wiped at the tears staining her smiling face.

Sam pulled her hand back back from Jack once he seemed steady and folded her arms. 

Then Cassie hit him in the shoulder... hard.

“Hey!” He cried out and reached for his shoulder.

“That’s for worrying me and missing my graduation.”

“Carter tells me there’s video and a whole package of pictures ready for my refrigerator.”

“Even a framed one for the wall.” Cassie said proudly.

“And, she told me Andrew looked mighty fine in that cap and gown.” 

“Stop.” Cassie pleaded.

He turned to Sam and smiled. “Again. Thank you.”

Sam was so happy for them all to be reunited. It was right and her heart was happy once again. It had worked. She tried not to focus on all that nearly went wrong and all that went horribly wrong. That she had nearly been sucked out into space and then captured and held by Fifth. She really tried not to think of that part.

“Just let me get my stuff.” Cassie turned and ran back into the house.

Sam bit her lip and lowered her face to the ground. Disappointed, but not unexpected. In the car she had prepared herself and him for what to expect.

She shrugged and they all moved into the house. “Take your time packing, we're going to have dinner here first.” 

_ “She’ll want to go with you.” _

_ “Nah, she’ll stay with you. I’m sure she’s settled in.” _

_ “She needs to go with you, Sir. She’s missed you a lot. And, honestly, you could use her help.” _

_ “Excuse me?” _

_ “I saw struggle. Your strength.” _

_ He licked his bottom lip self conscious. “That stuff Thor pumped into me on his ship helped, but didn’t last long. I guess not moving for three months takes time to recover from.” _

_ “And, she has only a month until school starts. It’ll be good for both of you.” _

_ “If you say so.” He dismissed. _

_ “Alright to order pizza or Chinese, before we go, Carter? Or do you have plans?” _

_ “No plans.” _

_ “God knows how much is rotting in my refrigerator.” _

_ “Nothing is rotting. I cleaned it out.” _

_ “Really? Thanks.” _

Sam followed her into her room, Cassie was frantically moving around grabbing her things. “You will be back, Cass.” Sam reminded her. 

“Oh sure. Um, is this a problem, Sam?”

“What?”

“Me going to stay at Jack’s?”

Sam picked up a stuffed bear from the bed. “No, of course not. No problem. You missed him.”

“I would like to stay there the rest of the summer, until I leave.”

Sam pulled the bear to her tighter. She had not really thought it through, but it made sense. Sam had her for 111 days. He will get her for the next month. She closed her eyes. She had become accustomed to life with Cassie.

“Sam?”

Sam nodded. “Except Orientation next week. We still have that.” Cassie smiled and nodded. “It’s fine Cass, I know how you missed him. I’m just gonna miss you.”

“I can’t believe orientation is next week.” Cassie continued happily throwing various items into a bag, oblivious.

“I do need to warn you.”

“What?”

“He hasn’t regained his full strength, you might have to help out here and there.”

Cassie smiled, “Of course.”

“So, Chinese or Pizza?”

“Whichever Jack wants.”

Sam went out of the room and to the kitchen and stopped at the kitchen counter and held it. She held back the tears. She had succeeded. She saved Jack for Cassie.

“You alright?” Jack came up from behind her from the direction of the bathroom. She had not heard him head in that direction.

She nodded.

“She really lives here.” Jack noted of Cassie’s presence everywhere. The bathroom was probably a wreck with all of Cassie’s makeup and hair accessories.

“It’s just been temporary.” Sam wiped her eyes. Sam always knew Cassie was leaving her, just not so soon. Or maybe, just a lot later than she had braced herself for. “You two will have a great time.” She was determined to do this well. “Cass says you pick dinner.”

“Pizza!” He said enthusiastically.

She smiled.

Jack did notice her sadness and tried to comfort her. “We’ll have you over.” His eyes paused on a man’s jacket.

“That would be nice.” She saw his eyes land on the jacket and she picked it up self-consciously. “Pete’s, ummm.”

“It’s your house, Carter. Your life.”

She picked up the phone and ordered the pizza. They ate, laughed and told Jack many stories from when he was gone. As she watched the two of them laugh, she knew she truly did want a family. She wanted to have this. Come home to this. She knew now, she could take the risk, save the world and come home again. She could have it all. Sadly, just not with them.

Jack looked tired. She probably did too. She said goodbye to both Cassie and Jack. The house was quiet again. Her walls once again relegated to keeping only her secrets. 

Her phone rang, she looked at the display. ‘Pete’.

“Hi.” She answered softly.

“Hey, I’ll be there soon. I picked up the contraband Cassie wanted from that candy shop in Denver.”

_ “How patient do you expect me to be?” Fifth yelled as Pete. _

She closed her eyes and tried to remind herself that it was not him, “I’ll see you soon.” She made her plea to get off the phone and pulled her knees up and let the changes in her life soak in before she had to tell him that Cassie was gone. But it was more than that. Fifth had tortured her and she had not found her equilibrium yet. 


	25. Part 3: Day 1, Backlash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3: /Life as we know it  
> Jack O’Neill is out of stasis and now a General, Cassie has moved in with him for the few weeks before she leaves for college, and Sam is trying to understand what she truly feels and wants as her work life finally returns to something she can recognize: Missions, reports and her CO. Sam’s internal counter, reset… Day 1 again. Cassie doesn't understand the fits & starts... it's day 154 of life without her Mom and everyday is a struggle.  
> (Right before s8e1 Lockdown)

When Jack walked into the conference room, he did not notice the awkward step Sam took away from him.

It was a strange new internal recoil she had managed to suppress the day before. When she analyzed it, she recognized it: it’s fear. She thinks back to her time with Fifth. There are holes in her memory. She wonders what he did to her that would cause this new reaction. She has not ever been afraid of Jack O’Neill. 

She remembers the farm with Pete. Fifth was trying to make her comfortable there and she feels what she can only attribute as a residual comfort with Pete. It’s a comfort she is not entirely sure she really wants, but it calms her, until she recalls him yelling and throwing things. Being in Col… no General O’Neill’s presence puts her on edge and she despises Fifth for whatever he did to her. Because she no longer feels comfortable in her own skin. No longer feels certain of what she knows of these two men. It is very much reminiscent of how she felt after Jolinar.

Then there is a memory of her shooting Jack. Him shooting back. She killed him. Held the gun; firing the rounds that found purchase square in his chest. Jack’s eyes were full of the betrayal they together had taught Fifth. It’s brief. But it feels so real. So treacherous. So devastating a loss. She is not allowed to explore those feelings, so she buries them deeper.

“You’re taking her to Orientation next week?” Jack makes small talk as he moves the papers in the folder around and she nods. “Thanks.”

“She’s family, no thanks are needed.” Sam reminded him of their conversation prior to his time in stasis.

“Right.” He acknowledges and smiles.

“Cassie told me there has been an issue with some paperwork for school that you have been trying to get taken care of.”

“There has been a lot of paperwork for everything. I know how you love paperwork, Sir.”

“Carter.”

“This new agency, the IOA. The SGC, NID and now the IOA are flexing to see who has what operational jurisdiction. That’s all.” She manages to get a complete thought out and feels more like herself again.

“That’s all? Measuring their…” He stopped himself before finishing.

“General Hammond and I got it taken care of. Barrett processed everything as he said he would. The resolution of Janet’s estate is progressing. We closed on her house last month and traded in both cars to get Cassie something more reliable.”

“Sorry you had to take care of all of that on your own. Couldn’t have been easy. No wonder it took 111 days to get me out of there.” She looked annoyed at that statement. “Teasing.” He reassured her. “Daniel told me some of what you all had to deal with, I’m sure it was only the tip of the iceberg.”

“I’ll make you copies of all of the paperwork. Pete was a great help.” She nodded and pierced her lips. He had been. Including last night when she cried in his arms missing Cassie. Still she’s not entirely sure why she felt defensive and mentioned Pete to him… except she’s hurting right now in ways she never expected.

He nodded. Though there is much he does not remember, he is not entirely honest about how much he does remember. He remembers being ready to resign. He remembers her coming to his door that morning after. He remembers the moment he looked into her eyes and the words that started forming in his mouth right before Daniel knocked on the door. The moment she almost told him that she still cared for him on the ship. He remembers the weight of what he felt in the moment he had learned that Fifth had taken her. His relief at feeling the warmth of her being under his palm when they found her on Orilla. He wants to protect her. Especially with these new players. He thinks back to what Kinsey had threatened. What Hammond had said about how unhappy the NID was about Carter’s life being put at risk on this last mission. Elizabeth lost the SGC over that decision. “You took a big risk to save me, Carter.”

“It’s what we do... Sir.”


End file.
